I should have taken a photo first. If it had been a real snake (or worse, something dangerous), touching it could have been a bad idea.
Step 2: Take a photo from a safe distance. Zoom in. You’ll often see details that your panic-brain misses. Is it moving? Does it have scales? Or does it have tool markings and a brand logo?
Step 3: Check for explanations before catastrophizing. Had anyone been in your home while you were away? Landlord? House sitter? Repair person? A quick text might save you a heart attack.
Step 4: If it might be alive, call a professional. Don’t be a hero. Animal control, a neighbor who keeps snakes, or even a local pet store can help identify whether you’re dealing with a real reptile or a rubber one.
Step 5: Laugh at yourself later. You will. I promise. I now tell this story at
